Oink's Computer Encounter


By the CBTS Intrepid Reporter

Recently Oink was given an opportunity to review Windows® 8.1 running on the Microsoft Surface™.   The computer was delivered to Oink’s accustomed station outside Apartment S137 where she faithfully stood guard over it until her beloved Gregory could come by in the stealth of the night.  The sad truth was that it was just a box until Gregory showed her what it was to do.

 Charmed by his arrival… some have said it was after midnight… they engaged in all the delights of the night.  Those delights involved a turn on… but lest your imagination run away into the fields of Elysium, this turn on involved the Microsoft Surface™.   Under Gregory’s wise tutelage Oink turned it on.  An array of rainbow colors greeted her gaze.  But what to do next?

Nothing would suggest where to go from that rainbow of color.  Was this just a work of art to be enjoyed?  As such it fell short of other art.  But people raved about the thing.  Surely it must be more than art.  Gregory patiently suggested that she touch it.  Oink was skeptical.  She knew Gregory’s ways and he often suggested touching which could bring on a denying headache faster than a Midol® moment.

Gregory grew impatient.  He reached out and touched the device.  The rainbow gave way to blue, then to a set of confusing boxes of varied sizes.  Was there meaning to the size of the boxes?  “No,” Gregory assured her with masculine condescending certainty, “they’re just something that Microsoft® likes to impose on the world.”  Oink could but sigh, “Oh…”.  She knew she should understand but she didn’t… she couldn’t.  Why… Oh Why… was this considered such a wonder.

Gregory did his best to teach her, but she gave up in a wild squeal.  Gregory tried to ply her with alcoholic distractions, but she recognized his devious tactics.   At this point the notable dragon chaser… the champion of the CyberCycle®… the one whom Oink is appointed to serve… intervened.  The Great Master, too, tried to show the wonders of Windows® 8.1 and the bricklike Microsoft Surface™.  Suddenly, dragon chasing seemed easy and the Microsoft Surface™ seemed increasingly more and more like the flat flooring brick that it resembles.

And so this tale must end.  The moral of this story is never, ever be an early adopter and never, ever believe the hype.  Some things make life easier.  Some things need further work.   You can try Windows® 8.1 running on the Microsoft Surface™ and decide for yourself which applies here.  We have seen the future and are returning to the past.

Woe is me!